Just what is a Lonely Man's Paradise, or LMP? It is a place for the single man to go eat, without fear of being ridiculed or pointed at.
There are lots of places that are NOT LMP. Most dine-in restaurants or chains. When the Lonely Man walks in they get the look of disdain from the host or hostess. One can almost read their thoughts, "Single diner...loser...low check...low tip." The Lonely Man trys to act polite and pleasant, with failed smile covering up for his sadness. The host or hostess begrudgingly seats this Lonely Man in the darkest corner of the restaurant, so he may not be near the couple diners or high-paying literati. Soon the server comes over and has the same perfunctory greeting but without the forced smile of the hostess. You give your order and they tell you "It will be right out." Translation: I'll get your food out quickly so I can free your table up for a big tipper."
Other diners, usually couples, eye the Lonely Man with pity. Like looking at a leper they equally pity and despise the Lonely Man. The Lonely Man tunes them out, immersed in his world.
The LMP is a place of solitude and reflection, much like Superman's Fortress of Solitude or Batman's Batcave. Examples include I-Hop or Whataburger. They foster an environment that welcomes all. They won't bother you or try to rush you out. They have a wisp of pity in their eye as you come through their door alone. Their servers come and check on you with a sincereness. They don't try to rush you out and usually tell you a hearty "thank you" as you leave their establishment.
One enters LMPs equipped with a stack of newspapers. The purpose is twofold--to eat and to read the paper. In my case I usually go to LMPs on the weekend with a huge stack of saved up newspapers. I might easily spend an hour immersed in my paper.
At times the Lonely Man looks up from his food and papers and spys a fellow lonely man eating. There is a quick exchange of the knowing nod as if both are saying, "It is safe here. It is okay." Occasionally two Lonely Men may engage in banter and reparte but it is usually short and friendly. At times the Lonely Man feels like the Indian in the 1970s commercial who, after witnessing littering in his land, allowed a single tear to fall down his cheek. Before that happens the Lonely Man usually gets up, throws away his newspaper and gets a drink refill before heading to his car.
To all you people out there, please do not pity the Lonely Man.
To all you eating establishments who frown upon us, embrace the Lonely Man and you too can become a Lonely Man's Paradise.
